"I see humans everywhere I go, but still, no signs of humanity"
"Yeah, he's a famous vlogger, why?"
"FAMOUS INTERNET STAR, JACK PIETERS, FOUND DEAD," he paused and looked at me, expecting a reaction, but I stayed still, so he continue. "Troubled, internet star with over 5 million subscribers on youtube, Jackson Pieters has been found dead at his hotel room in Los Angeles. Police were called by an ambulance service shortly before 06.00 am this morning, Monday 28th of April, following reports of a teenage boy found deceased. On arrival officers found the body of a 19-year-old boy who was peonounced dead at the scene," he paused again, and looked at me strange.
"What?"
"Rora, just yesterday you said you were obsessed with this kid, and now you don't even care that he's dead?"
"Just read the damn news, Ryan"
"Alright, blablabla I am aware of reports suggesting this death is the result of a suspected drugs overdose, blaaaah, our thoughts are with his family and friends, blablaaaa, the fans are devastated, syalala, you really want me to read all this crap?" I sighed and walk up to his reading chair, not saying anything. "Girls are screaming and spamming twitter tumblr youtube facebook -if that thing still exist, with hashtags and caps lock, 'RIP JACK' or 'WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, YOU ARE OUR HERO' or something really really cheesy, and you? Not even one word, wow!"
"People die, they left, it's a natural occurrence," another sigh. Lumps of clean white clouds are moving slowly, along with the mild wind blowing between my toes. The sky is in my favorite shade of blue, not too dark, and not too light, it's beautiful. Today was "grand", I literally spend half of my day passed out in the nurse's office. Then at 2 pm, Ryan picked me up, fortunately he only got a morning class today. He asked me what happened, "I don't know" I answered, not because I don't want to talk about it, I do. But I remember nothing. No matter how hard I tried, everything seems vague. I noticed he's been looking at me weird, or maybe worried is the right word. Mom is still in Tokyo, meeting up with some big investors, I don't know, we're not really that close anymore.
"You want me to document today's sky? It's perfect. Hey look! That cloud looks like a throne, remember when we're young and we would play princess and warrior?" he pulled out his polaroid camera and took some shots. He is clearly trying to "cleanse" my mind, by switching the topics over and over again since we got home.
"People die everyday, if you haven't notice yet. Not just one, but hunderds, or even thousands. But in the same time, others were born, they live," I paused, and took a sip out of my mint-green iced tea. "People are exaggerating, they make death seems like a bad thing, a tragedy. But life isn't about surviving, it's not a game you have to win, it's not a battle between who's stronger and who's not. That's only for those who already given up, those who lives without a dream, without hope, just a wild crazy ambition of nonsense. We were born to live, call me boring, but the phrase 'live your life to the fullest' is actually right. We only got one chance of a human life, so why not make the best of it," I glanced at him, and rose my eyebrow a little when he put his iPad in front of his face with joker's picture on the screen. "Oh come on! Why so serious little girl? We were just talking about the beauitiful blue sky, isn't that your favorite thing beside listening to wave crashing?" I didn't say anything and just look sraight at him, demanding him to shut up and just listen. And so he did.
"But sadly, for some people, death is the only option they got to 'live', cause them being alive doesn't seems to be worth anything, no one cares about their existance, ironic huh? And then, the idea of that got too deep down their heads, and they make that one choice that can't be undo. Some got found hours after, some maybe weeks. Their unknown existance suddendly become tiny particles, floating into the air. Suddenly everybody care, suddenly everybody want to be their friends, suddenly everybody pray for them, suddenly everybody become "human". I just think it's wrenching, seeing people worth more dying than living. There, another example of how fucked up our society is now,"
"Rora, stop,"
"No! I already went through hell this morning, those stupid voices in my head became more vivid, it's like I can feel them coming at me, scratching and tearing all the sanity I got left! And then I found out that my idol died of OD, and also this chick named Allison. So how am I suppoed to care about anything in this world, knowing that I'm surrounded by more than 7 billion two-faced fuckers who are responsible for all the chaos that's been happening this past century, or millenium, I don't know. Urrghh those voices just can't shut up! SHUT UP!" I can feel Ryan's big hands lifting me up, leading me inside the house. I kinda can hear his inarticulate voice, telling me to calm down, which I eventually did after minutes of panic and screaming.
"Drink up, princess," He handed me a glass of water, I took a little sip.
"They're just a side effect, but society label them as trash, a waste,"
"You really need to rest your mind,"
"I remember what happened this morning,"
"I've noticed, yeah,"
"I'm just one of them, am I? a side effect, waiting for my turn to expload?"
Go to bed Rora, we still need you to be sane. At least for now...
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