A man once told me, we
weren't born to survive, but to live. I never really consider that as my main
guide of how to life live, cause I never understand what it means.
Last night was kind of a blur. And no, I wasn't drunk or high, I don't even consume those crap.
Everything around me felt so hazy, like a dense of grey cloud is covering
everything including every parts of my brain, especially the ones in charge of
my memories. I started to remember things. I wouldn't say good ones, but at
least now I know more than I did yesterday.
I was born in an
unusuall way, no sperm, no blood, no crying, no body, just me. One second I was
a "nothing" the next second I existed, just like an explosion. One
hit, one button, and bamm. The ground shakes.
No one knows exactly
who I am. My identity is top secret, well, thats what they told me. Same as
you, I have no knowledge of who "they" are, but I got the feeling
that my existance depends on it, so I have to. They said, I have to answer the
world by the name of Aurora or Allison. I have to imitate and do all the stuff
Aurora does. And I have to keep Allison away from the lights, or they will take
everything I ever had or loved, not that I have any, but I just don't think
that's a good thing.
My days in this dark
place feels like an eternity, maybe because something that happend in the past,
I don't know. My memory has pretty much been a mess lately. The main lights has
been flashing in weird times, also the weather. In the first day, I thought I
was in an locked isolated metal room, but then the next day, heavy flow of
water came from above, I could just call them rain, but it was too extreme. I
couldn't find a shack or a tree or anything to keep me from getting soaking
wet. But, nothing. Just an infinity of emptiness I couldn't figure out. After a
couple hours, the air suddenly stop stabbing me, everything becomes clear and
clean, even the floor and the wall showed no sign of what happened before.
Everything seems like a dream, but we all know what a fucking liar our eyes
are. I was left frozen, my teeth was chattering non stop, my body was
trembeling with no dry blankets to keep me warm. I could feel my skin turning
blue, my nose was freezing as the result of the cold air that seems to just
flow around my lifeless body. So I lay down, resting my body before another
pile of torture shot me in the stomach, drain me out of blood, and killing me
slowly. My whole life has been an eternal misery, but at least I'm still alive.
Right?
I tried to read back my
old journal pages, hoping I could find a clue or a pattern of what has been
going on lately, or basically, my whole life. Still holding on at that one hope
that keeps me from shutting it all off. I might be in pain, but I'm not giving
my self up for lucifer, I'm not gonna turn into a monster they expect me to be.
That is probably the only order I choose not to obey. Yes, they expext me to
shut my humanity down so I can be a perfect slave, so I can be an exact replica
of Aurora, my only friend that doesn't even know me. It's gonna get better, the
world is always gonna turn left and right, up and down, it's just trying to
keep its balance. Even though mine is always going down a steep cliff, but god
is always fair, he knows. He's gonna come down, reach me, and pull me up to
heaven. Right?
I just want a life. A
family, maybe. And friends, aah just imagine how that feels like. Having people
who loves you around, cheering you when you're down and about to give up.
Making pallets of memories and dreams in caves, together, always and forever. I
imagine happiness. I don't care about oblivion, I just want to live. An endless
misery can't be someones entire destiny. Right?
(I don't even know
where I am, still trapped, day 3)
ALICE
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